I wish my penis had an off switch
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
