alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
love makes seman taste better
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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