So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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