I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
