Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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