Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
