Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
