can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
