I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
