i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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