you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
