did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
