I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
