i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
