LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
