The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
