dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Michael Bay diarrhea
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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