I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
