awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
