Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
