i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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