return my video game
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
