he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
