bring money and cleavage
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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