Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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