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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
please don't ironically join a cult
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