You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
