i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
