my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
