So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
