you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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