my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
