The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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