You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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