She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The air taste purple.
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