i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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