so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
