Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
