ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
