well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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