Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
