even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
