birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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