his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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