I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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