hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
