She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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