So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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