my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
