Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
