its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
