That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize