I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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