Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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