i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
