i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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