Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
