redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize