Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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