My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think i have two assholes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
