Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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