Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
