he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
