i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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