Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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