I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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