My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
