Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
