ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
