After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
