I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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