she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
