history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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