I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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