I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the condom got lost in my hair
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
