is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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