dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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